Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Clearing the air.....

isn't always easy, but it's the best thing to do.

I chose not to attend Christmas Eve festivities at hubby's moms this year. For all my regular visitors you may recall the events of last July that set me on this course. For newer visitors suffice it to say that some things transpired causing bad feelings toward his family on my part!

In my absence Christmas Eve, my daughter-in-law was put on the spot and questioned as to why I wasn't there. In the last few months I have heard they have questioned other family members about whether or not I had some kind of problem with them and everyone chose to remain silent and pretend they didn't know anything. My daughter-in-law(DIL) decided to speak up and say something. I don't mind that she did. My thoughts are that they should have come to me directly instead of questioning people behind my back, but what's done is done. DIL knew of the problem since she and the entire rest of the family were at my home on this July day for a get-together for our daughter, Rachel, who was visiting from Kentucky.

So tonight I decided to call the sis-in-law that was doing the questioning and firmly but politely explained once and for all the reason for my distance from the family. She said how sorry she was that this incident caused hard feelings but she doesn't remember it this way and her feelings were hurt by me on this same day. I tried to explain to her that at least four other family members remember the incident exactly the way I said it happened and what she was referring to never even happened and she didn't have any reason to have hurt feelings even if what she was referring to DID happen! She thanked me for calling and explaining so at least they would know why I was staying away.

Nothing is resolved, but at least now they know that if my grandchildren are not considered part of this family, I am not part of this family either!

Although it remains an unresolved issue, at least the air has been cleared on my part and I have no feelings of guilt over missing the holiday celebration!

16 comments:

JD's Rose said...

Family.

They can cause so much joy, and yet, so much grief.

Hugs to you Martie.

xxx

Nelly said...

I'm sorry this is all going on, but it sounds like you are at peace with how you handled everything. For your own sanity, you need to be comfy with your decisions and it sounds like you are. Hugs to you! Miss ya!

Slick said...

You shouldn't have any guilty feelings whatsoever Martie. I remember reading the incident and you are in the right 150%.

I don't know...good luck with that situation girl.

Rachel said...

I am glad something has finally been said about it between you and them. I sometimes feel that when we come up that I have to choose between ya'll. Maybe some resolution will come in the new year. I doubt it, but it is impossible. Love ya.

clew said...

You go girl. You know I've always been on your side on this one. I've been in a different yet similar situation myself, and I know it's hard, but you did the right thing.

*HUGS*

The Editor said...

(((Martie)))

You did the right thing by speaking your mind. Sending you lots of supportive hugs!

Rebecca said...

You're right - at least the air is cleared. Agreeing to disagree is better than not agreeing to anything at all.

It's always best to cover your tracks so you can feel good about all decisions you make. :)

Hope you had a lovely Christmas despite this.... :)

Hugs!

Tracy said...

You have a wonderful way with words. It is a shame that families have the issues that WE do. I know you know you are not alone out there with family problems. I don't think you can be a part of a family without a squabble or two in mix. You are the bigger person and did the right thing. I believe that you do what you have to do and they will do what is best for them, at least you said your peace. We don't need any additional stress these days and certainly not from the people who claim to love you!

chesneygirl said...

Good for you, Martie!!
I'm proud of ya! :)

Cause when it comes to stuff like this I have to admit....I'm a chicken shit!

McSwain said...

Hard to handle stuff. But at least it's getting talked about.

Ame said...

wow! you did good!!!

Connie said...

I am so proud of you calling and clearing the air...No more silly questions behind your back now. While some family members can be so loving...some can be very cruel and it just isn't worth it.

Hugs,
Connie

martie said...

Thanks to all of you for your words of support!

It was said that I "need to grow up", so I guess I'll set that as a goal for 2007. LOL

Bainwen Gilrana said...

I'm glad you're standing firm with this and not letting them make you feel guilty. Your grandbabies are definitely more important than they are!

Rebecca said...

Happy New Year Martie!
God Bless you and yours....

Smalltown RN said...

OH families...gotta love'm eh? I have distanced myself from most of my brothers and sister since last year due to the fact that they chose to want to have my ex husband at family functions rather than my new husband, and if my husband wasn't welcomed then I didn't want any part of their gatherings. I sympathize with what you are going through and respect your decision whole heartedly!!

Cheers