Thursday, April 27, 2006

Trying to accept what I cannot change....

and not doing it very well, I might add.

One of my sons is in jail for back child support. It's his own fault! Still, as a mother it is hard! No mother ever says when she's watching her child grow up "Gee, I hope he goes to jail some day", the way she might say "I hope he's a doctor or a police officer or whatever"!

He's also back with the mother of his two youngest children. I can't change that either! I really don't like this woman and the feeling is mutual on her part! I have trouble just tolerating her so I don't invite them to my house and I don't visit them at theirs. It's a sad state of affairs and I wish it were different. But it isn't nor can I foresee it being any different in the near or distant future.

So, as Mother's Day approaches, even though I don't have any thing to feel guilty for, that mother guilt hangs on and torments me with "could I have done something different with this child" or "what did I do wrong with this one". I don't love him less because of all the trials he has given me....I love him the same as when he was a baby just like all the others.

Tough love aint' easy!!

8 comments:

naive-no-more said...

Rest assured, you've done everything right. You can't control the decisions your kids make, right or wrong.

Still I know how hard it must be. Hugs.

Ame said...

Gosh, Martie, I am SO sorry. I cannot fathom what you must be going through. My counselor told me once that it is only the Holy Spirit's job to convict - if the Holy Spirit doesn't convict me, then I should not let someone else - or myself - convict me. HARD to do.

While working thru some pretty tough stuff, I read Forgiving the Unforgivable by Dr. David Stoop - EXCELLENT book - sounds like it may also be beneficial with the mother of his two youngest children.

Dear God, I lift Martie up to You tonight and lay her before Your throne. You know what it feels like to have your own son arrested, and You alone know what's truly going on in the depths of her heart. You knew this would happen; it is no surprise to You. And You came ahead of Martie, to this place. You are already here. Comfort her in her deep places where only the two of you reside :) Show her what is hers and what is not, and enable her to let go of what is not. I love You, Ame

Connie and Rob said...

Martie,
I am so sorry you are having a rough time right now. I know it must be terrible for you to see your children in trouble. He is an adult now and knows right from wrong so he had to know the path he was on...

You take care of yourself and know that you did your job raising him. Hopefully some day he will turn things around and he will see that you always loved him.

Take care,
Connie

It's Just Me said...

You've gotten some great support here and some powerful prayer. I just wanted to offer some support of my own and some {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

martie said...

Thanks to each and every one of you for the support and prayers you offer. God bless you all!

The Editor said...

Sending you some hugs and positive thoughts~~~~

McSwain said...

Awww Martie, this must be hard. I'll pray for you. But there are worse things one could go to jail for, right?

Rebecca said...

Ouch. What a tough situation all over.... :( I'm so sorry.

As a person who has had a tumultous relationship with inlaws, (albeit on the other side of the fence) I feel for you. It's so difficult when there's tension and animosity. Of course you love him the same, and I'm sure deep down inside - he knows this.