No matter how hurt/angry I have been, it is good to have hubby home! I keep trying to get past my hurt feelings yet they keep jumping up like a jack-in-the-box to stare me in the face. And then I realize that it isn't just this one episode....there have been several and this last one may be the proverbial straw that breaks the camels back. Maybe I can't get over it as easily as I had hoped.......perhaps I need to see a shrink.
Then I begin to feel guilty for not being able to put this behind me. After all, this was a major event in his life too.....it happened to him this time, not me. I should feel more loving toward him and understanding. Don't get me wrong, I do love him. But something inside me feels different. I have tried to put it into words but am unable to do so. I can't give it a name and that bugs me almost as much as not being able to get past it. It almost feels as if we have lost that closeness, that "connectedness" if that is even a word, with each other. And maybe he doesn't feel it. Perhaps it is just me. And if so, what do I do next? Do I confront him with it and try and talk it out or seek professional help? A part of me wants to crumble in his arms and cry and tell him exactly how hurt I have been and another part wants to keep it inside. Not share it............at least until he's stronger and healthier and has had more of a chance to heal. But doing that just erodes more of my feelings.
Oh, if only I had the answers now! I will keep praying about them and try to be patient awaiting some kind of guidance from the Lord. It is not easy for me to wait this time but that is the only thing that I can do.
4 comments:
Martie,
I am so sorry that you have to struggle with the pain that you are dealing with. May I ask what happened? I have good ears and am a good listener.
Bill
I completely understand your feelings. I, too, would be extremely hurt by the situation.
If he is well enough to go to deer camp, and well enough to want to go back to work, I suppose he is well enough to have a good heart to heart (no pun intended).
I think you should talk to him. Nothing ever gets solved by keeping it inside, unless you are willing to let it go. It doesn't sound that you are able to and I don't blame you.
Don't worry, it will get better!
XOXO
I can relate to this very well and though my situation isn't the same, I'm in the same boat in many ways.
I really don't know if men truly "get it". Or do I just expect too much? Let me know if you need to talk.
I was driving from my house to Alabama a few years ago. About a week or so before I left I noticed my car making a low whistling sound when I drove. It wasn't overly loud so I either ignored it or turned the radio up a little louder to drown it out. I thought it was one of a few things that could be causing it but maybe it was just the cold weather or something.
So I left on my trip and was about halfway through Kentucky when it started getting louder. So I turned the radio on. Then the whistling grew louder still. Radio went to full blast. Then the whistling turned into a knocking/rattling/thumping sound.
Then my High Temp light came of and my car stopped running. In the middle of no where. In Kentucky.
The problem started out as a bad tensioner pully and would have been a simple fix when it first started whistling. But by now the bearings had gotten so hot that the belt drive had completely siezed, taking a few things with it. Now it was a very inconvenient and expensive repair.
Morale of the story - Things like this generally don't get better on their own. Ignoring it and hoping it goes away will only make things worse. Don't wait until your marriage is completely broken beyond repair to try to fix it.
Right now you have an opportunity to address this on your own terms at the least emotional expense to you and your husband.
So talk to somebody whether it be your pastor or a counselor as soon as you can. As a matter of fact, finish reading this, turn off your computer and call your pastor right now.
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