Happy Mother's Day

In honor of all the Mother's in the world:


My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside; I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me religion.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"

My mother taught me about time travel.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week."

My mother taught me logic.
"Because I said so, that's why".

My mother taught me more logic.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

My mother taught me foresight.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me irony.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about osmosis.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me contortionism.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me stamina.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about hypocrisy.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times....don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me the circle of life.
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about behavior modification.
"Stop acting like your father."

My mother taught me about envy.
"There are millions of less fortunate kids in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about anticipation.
"Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me humor.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me wisdom.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my very favorite:

My mother taught me about justice.
"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you."

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!