Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Happy Mother's Day

In honor of all the Mother's in the world:

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside; I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me religion.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"

My mother taught me about time travel.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next

My mother taught me logic.
"Because I said so, that's why".

My mother taught me more logic.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

My mother taught me foresight.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me irony.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about osmosis.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me contortionism.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me stamina.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about hypocrisy.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times....don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me the circle of life.
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about behavior modification.
"Stop acting like your father."

My mother taught me about envy.
"There are millions of less fortunate kids in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about anticipation.
"Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me humor.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me wisdom.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my very favorite:

My mother taught me about justice.
"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you."



Rachel said...

That last one will bite you in the butt. I found that out the hard way. Thank God that I wasn't any worse growing up. Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

naive-no-more said...

#2 Has been my mantra all week!

Rebecca said...

LOVE this..... ;)
Happy Mother's Day to you as well!

The logic one is my personal quote used all the time. ;)

clew said...

I think my mom wrote this originally. ;)

Happy Mother's Day, Martie-Mom!

Anonymous said...

Happy Mother's Day Martie! :)

Connie and Rob said...

Dear Martie,
This is so great! I am going to print this out and take it over to read to my mom...I know it will make her smile.

Happy Mother's Day to you!
Take care,

It's Just Me said...

It's a good thing my mother was a foreigner and didn't know any of those old lines. lol The bad news is that I have used one or two of them myself. Oh well.

I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day, Martie!

Nelly said...

Happy Mother's Day to YOU! I am praying that your sons surgery goes smoothly today and that he has a speedy recovery!

HoBess said...

Happy Mother's Day Weekend to you! This post goes along with my philosophy on these special days. Mother's Day, I say, is when Dad keeps the kids and you get to go out and do something just you, alone, and savor it. Father's Day is when Dad takes the kids and does something fatherly like teach them to fish and you get the house to yourself!


Ame said...

Happy Mother's Day, Martie - I love this :)

Mindless Dribbler said...

HA...those were hilarious Martie.

Some of those, my Mom really used to say.


Hope you had a great MD.

Nunzia said...

Happy Mother's Day!