Full Circle

Okay, it's almost November. November in our household means deer hunting! Hubby is leaving Monday the 13th for his annual trip to the U.P. Last year was a bad year for deer hunting. Yes, he got his deer, but as many of you will remember he also had a heart attack back in the woods, 4 hours from the nearest hospital. Let's hope this year is better!

I have a beef about hunting this year though. Although our freezer is almost devoid of venison and as much as we could use the meat, I don't really want him to leave this early and be gone for so long this year. The last few years I haven't minded him going for 2 weeks. But the last few years we also had been able to spend quite a bit of time together before he went. Not so this year. For whatever reasons, this year we haven't spent much time together recently, one on one! I know the reasons, but there is no point in going into them here and no point in hashing them over once again. Suffice it to say, that I am feeling rather alone and lonely even though I have many loved ones living in close proximity to me. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the same old issue of not feeling that closeness, that connectedness (new word?) to each other. I've been feeling this lack of being connected for some time now. I don't know if he's not feeling well or is just tired from working so much overtime. I think it isn't that he doesn't feel well though. It just seems like he doesn't have time or isn't willing to make the time for 'us'! Like he is so sure of 'us' that he no longer has to invest time in 'us'. I believe that it's a good thing to be sure of your partner but on the other hand, it's not a good thing to think that just because you are secure in your love for one another that you don't have to stay close and connected. It still takes work and he isn't working at it right now.

Dang....I miss him already and physically he hasn't even left yet.

I thought that writing and venting would make me feel better but it hasn't. Maybe I didn't vent powerfully enough!