Sunday, October 29, 2006

Full Circle

Okay, it's almost November. November in our household means deer hunting! Hubby is leaving Monday the 13th for his annual trip to the U.P. Last year was a bad year for deer hunting. Yes, he got his deer, but as many of you will remember he also had a heart attack back in the woods, 4 hours from the nearest hospital. Let's hope this year is better!

I have a beef about hunting this year though. Although our freezer is almost devoid of venison and as much as we could use the meat, I don't really want him to leave this early and be gone for so long this year. The last few years I haven't minded him going for 2 weeks. But the last few years we also had been able to spend quite a bit of time together before he went. Not so this year. For whatever reasons, this year we haven't spent much time together recently, one on one! I know the reasons, but there is no point in going into them here and no point in hashing them over once again. Suffice it to say, that I am feeling rather alone and lonely even though I have many loved ones living in close proximity to me. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the same old issue of not feeling that closeness, that connectedness (new word?) to each other. I've been feeling this lack of being connected for some time now. I don't know if he's not feeling well or is just tired from working so much overtime. I think it isn't that he doesn't feel well though. It just seems like he doesn't have time or isn't willing to make the time for 'us'! Like he is so sure of 'us' that he no longer has to invest time in 'us'. I believe that it's a good thing to be sure of your partner but on the other hand, it's not a good thing to think that just because you are secure in your love for one another that you don't have to stay close and connected. It still takes work and he isn't working at it right now.

Dang....I miss him already and physically he hasn't even left yet.

I thought that writing and venting would make me feel better but it hasn't. Maybe I didn't vent powerfully enough!


Barb said...

I see you have a lot going on inside you right now. When I was married to my ex, I realized the big difference between being 'alone' and being 'lonely'. You should never feel 'lonely' in relationship. Hope things get better and thanks for dropping by my blog.

*waves* to mary anne lol

Connie and Rob said...

I think it is so very easy to slip in to patterns and take your partner for granted. I know I have definitely felt lonely. Unfortunately for the hubby is that I am a talker and a cryer. It might take time but we work out our feelings...only to go on to the next bump in the road.

Hope you get to enjoy some time together before he leaves. If not...he will be back and then you will have time. Don't give up.


V said...

I am also the wife of a hunter but my hubby doesn't go on trips, mostly because we don't have the money for that! LOL! But still he's gone ALL THE TIME. It gets annoying and the kicker is, I HATE venison. I grew up with my dad always out hunting, the smell of the house with it cooking makes me gag. Now he takes it to a butcher and gets it made into sausage, pepperoni and whatever and it doesn't even taste or smell like deer meat which then makes me think....WHAT'S THE POINT????

I'll be there with you in spirit as we make it through one more year of Deer Season....BLAH.

Anonymous said...

I just dropped by your blog. I guess I'll leave a group comment. I think it's a good blog. Nice to see pics and such of your family and grandkids. Nice work. I'm not a hunter so my wife doesn't have that to worry about. But I have many friends who enjoy it. I hope his hunting goes well this year.

Anonymous said...


Hunting is big where I live too. I've not ever had an interest in it though. Actually, I have not ever eaten deer meat. I really don't have a desire to.

I'm sorry that you are feeling lonely. I hope that you can have some quality time with him soon. You deserve it!

Sending you some hugs!

The Mindless Dribbler said...

Hhmmm...I guess this is where I step in and give my expertly advice on relationships but uh...uh...

Talk to him I reckon'. I mean, before the hunting trip so you'll both have time to ponder the dilemma while he's away.

In any case, you know I'm always on your side. If need be by God, I'll be on your doorstep tomorrow morning to let him know what he needs to do!

Rebecca said...

:( That stinks that you'll miss him so much. But at the same time, think of all the enjoyment you'll have when he gets home! :)

I've always wanted to try venison...My uncle who just passed was a hunter as well. He travelled all over the world to do it.

Bainwen Gilrana said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so unhappy. *hugs* Definitely tell him how you feel. You need to set aside some time for just the two of you.