Tuesday, July 25, 2006


I wonder how my husband ended up as loving as he is! We had his entire family, Mother, Sisters, Brothers and their families to our home for a cookout and to visit our daughter, Rachel who is visiting from Kentucky.

Everything was going smoothly.....until after we had eaten. Then they wanted to take pictures. I think most of my readers are aware of the fact that both my husband and I had been previously married and both brought children into this marriage. I brought Michelle, Brian and Doug and he brought Jeremy and Rachel. We both think of the five children as "ours". There is no mine and yours...they are "OURS"! Together we share 14 grandchildren. These fourteen special grandchildren should be considered his Mother's great-grandchildren. However, his sisters and mother think NOT!

Here is a prime example: When it was time for the picture taking, they announced that they wanted a picture of their mother with the great-grandchildren. Our granddaughter, Amber (11 years old) was also here. When she went up to where they were seated for the picture taking, one of the sisters said "NO, it's just the great-grandchildren". Hubby's brother said "What do you think Amber is? She's a great-grandchild too! The sister said, "Shut your mouth and leave it alone, no, it's just the great-grandchildren." Amber heard this and walked over to my hubby and climbed up on his lap and sat very quietly.

This is not the first time this has happened to this same little girl! Years ago at another grandchilds birthday party someone said the picture was just to include those who were born into the bloodline of the family. I pulled Amber out of the sitting and was livid. I wanted to tell them all that their mother wasn't born into the bloodline of that family either and she should get the H____out of the picture too then. I bit my tongue to keep peace in the family and thinking that this little girl was only about 5 at the time she wouldn't understand. I was wrong.

This time, later that same day, she asked her Bumpa (that's what the grandkids call Grandpa) why his sisters and mom don't like her. It broke my heart to hear her ask this question. Hubby answered her and told her that sometimes people don't think before they speak and it hurts others feelings. She said okay, but I can tell that she isn't really satisfied with this answer. We assured her that she is very special to us and we love her and God loves her. She smiled, but I could still see the hurt in her eyes.

I told Hubby that as far as I am concerned that is the very last get together I will ever attend for his side of the family. If my birth grandchildren are not considered family, than I am not either! So, there will never be another need for me to attend a family function!

How would they all feel if I treated Hubby's birth children and birth grandchildren in that manner? Rachel told me I should tell her and Jeremy when I will act the same way that they did and then do it at the next family gathering, and see how they like it. I told Rachel that I could never treat her and Jeremy that way! Not even to teach her Grandma and Aunts a lesson. I love them too much to ever do that to them, even if they knew I didn't mean it and was just trying to show others how it felt.

There are plenty of more incidences similar to this one in my history with the family, but this one is the final straw.

So, this is my official resignation from Hubby's family that I once thought of as my own. Every last one of them.....well, except for his Grandma and his brothers and their wives. His brothers' wives are the ones that stood by me through this mess!

And my final thought....glad to be free!!


It's Just Me said...

I'm so sorry, Martie. I feel so badly for you and for poor little Amber.

Your sisters-in-law certainly do sounds like Jerks! Grrrr.

clew said...

That's terrible, and I don't blame you one bit! >:[

chesneygirl said...

Oh Martie, this is horrible! Poor Amber...I had tears when I read that first part about her.

I'm so sorry...family should never act that way towards each other!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry most for Amber. As you mentioned, it is hard for a child to understand. I am also sorry that you had to endure that and keep quiet. I can't imagine how frustrating that must have been.

Ame said...

I am SO sorry! You have the right to protect yourself and your children and your grandchildren ... no, you have the responsibility to protect all of you. There is no place for that kind of prejudice within family.

If they ever do embark on another "family" gathering in which you attend, you may want to iron these details out ahead of time and not attend unless everyone is included.

Good for you for not using your grandchildren to teach the idiotic, immature people of this world a lesson!

martie said...

IJM, CLEW,CHESNEY,FIREBIRD, AME: thank you all for the support and understanding you are showing to me. This is a most difficult situation to be placed in and I won't allow it to happen again in the future. My (birth)children and grandchildren will never attend another family gathering on my husband's side of the family, nor will I! It's too bad that Hubby will have to attend them alone from now on, but he also understands. I will never put the feelings of my loved ones where they would be intentionally hurt again.

Connie and Rob said...

Who needs to be treated like that...I would tell them that until you are treated as one complete part of the family you will be passing any more invitations. Life is too short and Amber needs to feel the sense of belonging to an unconditional environmemt.

Good Luck Amber. You are in good hands with Martie.


Bainwen Gilrana said...

It's very good that your husband does understand this. You and Amber deserve much better treatment than that!

Mike said...


McSwain said...

That's just such a cruel way to treat a child, too. Honestly, I can't imagine. Good for Grandma & the brothers & wives, yes? I'm glad there are some good ones.

Bougie Black Boy said...

I love the fact that you proclaim, OFFICIALLY, your resignation from them. Sometimes this is what we must do as a last stray, to make things firm and final.

Itchy said...

What a horrible thing to do! I'm appalled at what FAMILIES will do to one another.

My aunt married a man that had previously been married and he had a child. When I introduced her to people, she was my cousin. I never thought about it. Later my uncle thanked me for being so nice to his daughter, that others had not been as welcoming. But...isn't that what family is supposed to do? Gah...

Ruben said...

Wow! I hope situation gets resolved befre the kids pick up on it and start to mimic the adults crazy behavior.

Mindless Dribbler said...

Geeez, that's a messy situation but I'm with you 100%. How could you be considered part of the family but your kids aren't?

Sounds like Hubby's side of the family needs to re-evaluate what a "family" is.

Kudos for your stance on the issue.

Anonymous said...

I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you! Exclusive garden furniture Good charlotte backpacks Camera coolpix digital nikon productpage Woman bed stockings mature Strong women in swimwear At home america home decor newest procedures in facial plastic surgery far infrared portable saunas spa sauna massage indianapolis